{Bri + Brooklyn}
My name is Bri, and I want to share my experience with adoption. It was definitely the hardest thing I have ever done in my life so far. It was a decision I did not take lightly, and stressed over for many long months. With the support of my family, I chose a better life for my daughter—a life with a complete family. I could have offered her much love and an extended family, but I could not give her the stability of a mother and father at this time. I have a close relationship with my father, and I wanted Brooklyn to have a chance for that, also.
When searching for a family, I was led to the website of Zach & Holly. I knew right away that this was the family I would choose. We did things my way, as I needed to meet them, and spend time with them before I made my final decision. It was the right decision to place my daughter with this couple. She has a wonderful life filled with cousins, aunt, uncles, grandparents, and even a little brother now. I know that she is in a good place and is being raised the way I would have wanted to raise her.
We have an open adoption, which I think is the best way to go. She knows everything and has all her questions answered. She knows she is loved by all of us. Zach & Holly are an amazing couple who have shared her life with me. I always know how she is doing and get pictures, phone calls, and even visits. I will admit, it is still hard and I sometimes think about how things would have been had I chose differently, but I do not regret my decision—I know I did the right thing. I plan and hope to know her the rest of my life. - Bri 
{Shanna + Braxton}
I was seventeen when I got pregnant. I had strong support from my family and a few friends, but I still felt completely alone. I was making a decision that would not only determine the path the rest of my life would take, but also the path that a new child’s life would start out on. Suddenly what my friends, and even my family, thought or felt I should do didn’t matter. The choice I made would only strongly impact me and this baby.
When trying to make a decision, I had never prayed harder in my life. I had never felt the need of Heavenly Father’s guidance as strong as I did then. I couldn’t trust myself because the choices I had been making led me to this most difficult situation. I started to consider all options and being the type of person I am I wrote out all of the pro’s and con’s of adoption and single parenting (marriage or being with the birth father were out of the question completely). However, pray was still the guiding tool to get the answer I needed. I was given profiles to look at, and more profiles to look at of couples hoping to adopt.
All along I knew what decision I was supposed to make, but my head stopped me from being ok with the choice. Finally after months of looking through couples, I received the last stack of profiles to look through and I told myself that if I didn’t find the couple I was looking for, I was single parenting. I’m pretty stubborn, so when I make up my mind to do something, it’s pretty well a done deal. I was done with the emotional stress of finding someone else to raise MY child. I prayed really hard one night and then went to work looking through the profiles. The majority of them were thrown out almost instantly for one reason or the other, but I finally made it down to three couples that I liked. Two of them I couldn’t even tell you what the families looked like, but one stood out to me instantly. Not because of the sweet words in their letters, not because they had all the features and interests that I wanted, but because of a picture of a beautiful blonde little girl with big, bright blue eyes. The same eyes that I knew my baby would have.
I was still battling with myself as my mom and I drove to LDS Family Services for my appointment with my case worker. I prayed before getting in the car, basically telling Heavenly Father to give me a straight answer of what I’m supposed to do, or I was going to keep this baby. The entire drive through the canyon to get to the office, the stack of profiles was sliding around in the back seat of the car; however one profile kept separating itself from the rest of them; the profile with the beautiful little girl. It was a hard thing to miss in my mind. That was about as obvious as it was going to get.
I made my announcement to this couple and that was that. I knew I couldn’t back out. The first time I met with Zach and Holly, there was an instant connection. Not one of those wham wow these people are awesome (although there was that too) but a subtle feeling of love and knowing that this was the right thing.
My mom, a close family friend, and I all swear that we had met Zach before, but we weren’t sure how. We tried to make some kind of connection, because we all felt we had seen him somewhere. Now I’ve just decided that it was in another time that we met him. That the Spirit reminded us of that knowledge that he was meant to be Braxton’s dad; a good father was the main thing I wanted for this little guy, and Zach is an incredible dad. Just being around him with his family, you know that they are his number one priority.
Time went by and finally one really snowy night, Braxton decided to make his way in to this world two and half weeks early. He was so perfect, and so sweet. I never let him leave my room while I was in the hospital, but all the desire in the world to keep this little boy, couldn’t stop me from doing what I knew I needed to do. The first time I saw Zach, Holly, and Brooklyn with this new addition to the world, I had an overwhelming confirmation that this was his family. He needed them as much as they needed him.
I’m still not sure how I survived the day of placement. It seems like a blur now really. My arms were empty and my heart ached, but at the same time my heart felt full of the love the Savior and Heavenly Father had for me, and of the knowledge that this little boy was where he was supposed to be.
I could have found a way to provide him with all the basic needs he would have, however I couldn’t have given him everything he deserved and everything he needed spiritually. I couldn’t have taken the place a father plays on the life of a child (seeing my husband with our children now confirms that even more), I wouldn’t have had the power of the priesthood for him, and most importantly I wouldn’t have been able to be sealed to him as an eternal family, that he would be able to be with his family forever, in this life and in the next.
I can’t say this wasn’t one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made in my life, there are still days that I cry and hurt and struggle with wondering what might have happened. Even having my own children has brought back old emotions and heartaches, especially during pregnancy. Having people see pictures of him, and having them ask questions even hurts sometimes. But there is no doubt in my mind that I made the right choice. I love Zach and Holly and their little family as much as I love any of my own siblings with their children, and, in a way, even more. We will always have a special little connection. There will always be that special little guy that connects so many people together in such an amazing bond. He will always have more people that love him, and more people that pray for him. I have even grown to love his sister, and find myself praying for her as well as him.
Heavenly Father loves all of these children, and that’s all He expects from us on this earth; to love them and to make the best decision for them. Children are an amazing blessing, and can bring so many people together. The Lord has a plan for each and every child, and regardless of the choice a mother makes in the beginning, He wants that child to have all that they were meant to be given.
I know how hard this must be for you, even if your situation is different from mine, but the fact that you have taken the time to read this and consider all options for your child is something to feel confident in yourself about. Sometimes the best choice isn’t always the easiest to make. There will always be a constant battle in your mind of "What If", regardless of the choice you make. Know that the Lord loves you and He loves this child. Follow your heart, pray, and trust in God, even if you don’t feel like you can trust anyone else.
-Shanna
